


I Can't Make You Love Me

by skyearth2512



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, No proofreading, after the povs its like tiny vignettes, also described but not graphically, and jisung is never confident enough about them to believe, chenle has never said i love you, chenle is also a little closeted, chenle is unable to express himself, jisung is emo, jisung overthinks, jisung pov first then chenle pov (not first person), just quickly writing and getting it out, sex is implied
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-16 08:28:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29450793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skyearth2512/pseuds/skyearth2512
Summary: When Chenle and Jisung has to confront....what is love and whether it is enough?Set from Jisung's Birthday to Valentine's Day
Relationships: Park Jisung & Zhong Chen Le, Park Jisung/Zhong Chen Le
Comments: 2
Kudos: 31





	I Can't Make You Love Me

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired (as seen in the title) by Jisung's song recommendation and Valentine's Day happenings
> 
> While it's not an AU, i don't actually pretend to know them or think it's real. It's just mannn....Jisung's and Chenle's song taste sure can get one in an emo state that's great for writing angst.
> 
> Anyway like i said n my tags, im writing this straight up and then just publishing so forgive the grammar and spelling errors, and perhaps even the messiness of the story

“So why’d you call me?” Jisung had asked softly. 

"ahh...you want to buy me a meal?" and Jisung can't help his facial expression as a smile broke through.

They had just met yesterday for hotpot and here was Chenle asking him out again. 

Perhaps, feeling a little drunk off the affection that's so rarely seen from Chenle, Jisung teases 

"ah...i'm not really in the mood to go out today....what should I do?" 

but he quickly takes it back as he hears Chenle's slightly angry tone

"ah...alright alright. i'll give you a call after this is done" 

'So cute.' Jisung thought, 'Even when he gets upset.'

As the vlive went on, Jisung can't help but hum 

_When a single ray of light falls_  
_From the dark night sky_  
_Every day, from the same spot_  
_I'm waiting for you, again today_

and though he doesn't sing the whole song

_Everything we wanted_  
_Tonight_  
_You and me_  
  
_So we can stop holding it in and breathe_  
_So we can dream the dream we wanted together_  
  
_I just wanna hold you close_  
_As if this is the last time_

_(Taeyang - White Night)_

rings in his heart. 

As the vlive ends, he quickly packs a set of clothes and toiletries and bolts out. 

Jisung arrives at Chenle's place and he already has the table laid out. It's all of Jisung's favorite food--Jamaican Chicken. Malatang and Bunggeopang (that a street store was selling just as he was returning home). Jisung is ecstatic as he sees the feast before his eyes and without missing a beat, he cheekily takes out the bottle of red wine he got for his birthday ('I don't have a wine opener at home, so I have no choice but to have it with you' he told Chenle as an excuse). Excited, Chenle runs and grabs two win glasses and then lights a candle while putting his favorite music in the background. 

and then they ate and laughed and stared at each other.

Taking in the moment, as it is.

Hoping that they could somehow capture the two of them, exactly as they are right now

and store it into a bottle...

  
_And we'll recall when time runs out_

_That it only took a moment_

_To be loved_  
_A whole lifelong_

_(Michael Crawford - It Only Takes A Moment)_

As the meal ends, they automatically burrow under the blanket and started a movie. 

and as always, Jisung's hand finds Chenle's, and they slowly interlace their fingers together. 

Just as the ending scene of the movie starts

Jisung shifts his body closer, knowing exactly what's going to go down

He licks and then bites down at his lips

This, this was what he wanted for his birthday...

what they couldn't do yesterday when Chenle had to rush off for Radio..

and before Chenle closes the screen as the credit rolls

Jisung is on top of him.

Kissing down. Slowly and steadily. Savoring the taste of wine and the custard cream flavor bungeopang just now

Lapping it up as he thought how cream always reminds him of Chenle..

So fair....so white....so delectable

And Chenle isn't resisting at all (as he sometimes would, if it gets too hot or he's too tired, shouting "ya!"and trying to push Jisung off) 

Jisung felt he must have wanted it just as much..

and Jisung enjoys the warmth of the lips coming together and the soft sighs escaping from the smaller's mouth.

His hand roams under Chenle's shirt disobediently, feeling the soft powderyness of the porcelain skin 

He slides up the back, marveling at those muscles that made the smaller's shoulder look so broad, then traces down to the slightly bony ribcage that made Chenle seem so small.....and in between all of that, that soft soft feeling of Chenle's waist and how he would squirm under Jisung's grip

It made Jisung feel just like floating in whipped cream. 

Jisung melts away at the interaction. Not as urgent and crazed as a bout of not seeing each other, or after a fight, or even just thinking about Chenle spending time with another hyung the day before

No, it wasnt like that today. 

Today, he just felt connected. deeply deeply connected and close to his fated one.

The one he couldn't imagine years ago, from that very first encounter would eventually bring him out of that darkness.

The light in his black sky.

The one that even a year ago wasn't within his grasp, always just an arm's length away.

Right now, nestled under him. 

Cheeks flushed and mouth slightly agape, arms around him shoulder, eyes asking for more.

It intoxicated Jisung. 

At the same time, Jisung with his sensitive little heart, who always felt the significance of days like turning into an adult or the birthday where he is now really an adult

That he could be with Chenle, right now, doing things that he had only dreamed of before....

Being so close....almost as one.

He stares and stares at the scene before him as he moves

Chenle's cries like sweet melody to his ears

and Jisung's heart squeezes, overwhelmed at the moment, he blurts out

"I love you."

Chenle's eyes fly open. 

No longer shut in ecstasy. 

Jisung can't read it. He can't read the expression. 

But it didnt seem like happiness at all

The next moment, he feels chenle pull him down and grabs his back, locking them in an embrace and no longer allowing Jisung to stare at his face anymore. 

Jisung is a mixe of emotions but he holds the smaller tighter. almost too tight. 

and he doesn't stop, can't stop

needing to feel every moment he was with Chenle. 

But at the very end, as they both cried out

Jisung feels a drop of tear rolling down his own cheek. 

-

The rest of the night was a blur, all Jisung remembers was that neither of them talked about it at all.

They just watched some show, and both fell asleep....except Jisung didn't really fall asleep,

The next morning, they had breakfast and Jisung left. 

Wondering what the hell just happened. 

-

The next few days wasn't that different, though Jisung felt a fog over him all the time. 

When they met for a schedule on the Monday, in a way so uncharacteristic of each other, they made small talk.

"So..what are you doing for new years?" Chenle had asked

"Just going to go home, meet some relatives...you?"

"I'll just be here....i can't go back anyway. just all alone, with Daegal" Chenle lets out a small pout. 

Jisung eyes soften as he sees Chenle's expression, like a sad kitten. 

"Do you...want to come back with me?" Jisung asked

"I mean...since you don't have family and all and...I don't think my parents will mind." he quickly added.

Chenle stares, with an expression that Jisung can't read again

"uh....no. it's ok. it'd be kind of weird right? I mean Renjun Hyung is alone too, so wouldn't your parents wonder why you only invited me?"

Jisung is quiet for a moment.

"yea...no. you're right.

well, i hope it won't be too lonely"

and they both fell back in silence.

Eventually, their break was over and they both avoided each other for the rest of the day. 

and the next day and the next. 

-

During the new year's, Jisung finally had some time alone from the busy schedules.

He finally had time to just.....sit and think-- his favorite thing to do. 

And maybe, he could finally start plucking that tiny prick that kept stabbing at his heart. 

-

No...Jisung didn't think his current state was what was going to happen when he went over that day. They had the best two days in a row and he was even starting to look forward to the week after for Valentine's Day. 

Had he got it all wrong?

They've kissed and even gone all the way. Sometimes Jisung feels like they act more like a married couple with the way they bicker...

Since the start, Jisung had thought deeply about them. Daydreams and introspection of what it meant for them to be together....

He had even sometimes thought of forever....

But...neither of them ever put into words what they were....

Was....was he just a placeholder?

Another new experience that Chenle wanted to try?

Why was it that every time they were starting to get closer, or there was something significant for couples like Christmas or Valentine, nothing ever seem to happen?

"But, what does that got to do with us?" the memory jumps to the forefront of his mind, about that one Chenji episode when Jisung said Valentine's Day was coming. 

Is that....really how Chenle felt?

What has love got to do with them??

Ah....so that's what it is.....

and he slowly wipes the droplets off his cheeks, letting that thought sink in. 

.....it was just all in my head after all.

_I'll close my eyes, then I won't see_  
_The love you don't feel when you're holding me_  
_Morning will come and I'll do what's right_  
_Just give me till then to give up this fight_  
_And I will give up this fight_

_'C_ _ause I can't make you love me if you don't_  
_You can't make your heart feel something it won't_  
_Here in the dark, in these final hours_  
_I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power_

_But you won't, no you won't_

_'Cause I can't make you love me, if you don't_

_(Dave Thomas Junior - I can't make you love me)_

***

Chenle is zoning out on his bed, he can't even find it in himself to watch a movie

He remembers what happened last night, when Jisung said what he said. 

It came as a shock for sure, as he has never heard that from Jisung for anyone. 

and...Chenle had no idea how to respond. 

He has never said such words to anyone, ever. 

And it's so bad that Chenle doesn't even say it out loud in his head

Just 'those words' was how framed it to himself. 

Did Jisung mean it?

In the way that he thought he meant it?

Chenle feels his heart tightened, not because he hated that thought about how Jisung felt

but all he could think was how much they would both hurt when it was all over. 

and it would be over. 

Chenle has always been practical, and he prided himself for being able to see long run perspective. 

Chenle knew, always, since the beginning, that they couldn't go anywhere. 

They're both boys, and not even from the same country. He was bound to go home at some point and he could never ask the taller to come with him 

I mean, how? Jisung doesn't even speak the language,

and....could he stay here forever? In Korea?

Chenle doesn't feel like he could 

and Chenle wants a family, more than anything

and that's something that could never happen between them. 

Since Chenle's brain worked so much faster than his heart, it had already always, from the start, resigned himself to the impossibility of it all. 

_Imagine a house_

_Way up on a hill_  
_Dog in the yard_  
_The trees in the fields_  
_It's next to the water_  
_It's the prettiest scene_  
_With white picket fences_  
_Or maybe soft green_

_As wonderful as this all seems_  
_This is beyond our means_

_It's just a dream_  
_It's just a dream_

_(HONNE - Free Love)_

Still, whenever he was with JIsung, he can't help but wonder if his brain stopped working. The way he didn't say no when Jisung first kissed him, the way he didn't resist when Jisung looked up at him asking "could we?" after a night of cuddling, the way that even though he was scared by what was happening he never uttered a single complaint through the initial pain

and he knows how every love song unexpectedly brings that damn face into his head

and he knows the reason he listens to sad songs whenever they don't talk. 

Chenle knows that if he digs just a bit deeper, he might get to a truth about his heart.

But he was afraid, 

so he doesn't.

And thus when Jisung said those words.....immediately, the gates came crashing down

 _i need to protect myself_ the heart said _this could never be_ the brain said

and the mouth,

it said nothing. 

-

Chenle could feel Jisung's hurt even without seeing him. 

and while he could never bring himself to say 'those words' to Jisung

he expressed himself in the most roundabout way he could. 

with song recs on Chenra, hoping that Jisung actually listened in sometimes...

_Just like letters on the sand_  
_where waves were_  
_I feel you'll disappear_  
_To a far off place_  
_I always miss you miss you_

_All the words_  
_In my heart_  
_I can't show them all to you_

_But, it's that I love you_

_(IU - Through the Night)_

It probably didn't work because Jisung and him were still in radio silence. 

Nonetheless, Chenle was glad that they still had schedules together where they could at least talk. 

And so when Jisung threw that other curveball at him, he didn't know how to react. 

'Is he asking me to meet his parents???'

'but,....isn't that kind of serious? and his relatives might be there'

'are we..suppose to act as friends?'

'but we would definitely seem like a couple since Renjun wouldn't be there....'

'i...dont think i can...'

his mind goes into a crazy debate but eventually he realizes that he would not be ok

'no i dont think i can be with Jisung outside of each other. i dont even like talking about this with the members...'

in that moment, he realized.

no matter what his feelings were for this beautiful boy, 

they could never be.

they could never be. 

_Life isn't like the movies_  
_But it sure will make you cry_  
_When it dawns on you it's time to say goodbye_

_You can't drum up the heartbeats_  
_Of loved ones come to pass_  
_Stop wishing for forever_  
_'Cause nothing ever lasts_  
_If it's keeping you from sleeping_  
_Wipe the tear from your eye_  
_'Cause sometimes it's time to let a good thing die_

_(Bruno Major - To let a good thing die)_

***

It's Valentine's Day and Jisung is at his parent's home. Poking at his fruit salad that his mom knows he likes so much. 

Those fruits that Chenle likes so much...he thinks grumpily and finally he decides he'd rather share this moment with czennies instead. 

Jisung's mom doesn't say anything, but a mom always knows. And right now she knows something is on her little boy's mind. 

And she has a feeling who it is about...as Jisung had once roundabout said: 

"you know....Chenle is a very important friend to me..."

one day out of the blue on one of their trips to the hospital (it was right after the day he became an adult)

and he kept silent, without really elaborating.

Jisung's mom doesnt say anything but she isn't that surprised, with how much her son talks about the other boy. 

And honestly, she was grateful that the boy brought Jisung out of his shell and she got to witness her boy getting brighter and brighter by the day.

"That's nice. I'm happy that you have such a friend." his mom finally said.

And they both smiled. 

*

Chenle is at home on Valentine's Day, bored out of his mind. The 127 hyungs are preparing for their Japanese comeback and the WayV bros are preparing for the comeback. He couldn't ask Kun who usually comes by at a drop of a hat knowing how busy he is. And his favorite son Mark had already stayed over on Saturday.

Eventually, he decides he'll go down to the dreamies dorm. Renjun's there, Jeno's back from the New Year holiday and....well he doesn't know whether Jisung is back or not but it doesn't matter.

(he would never admit it to himself but he was kind of hoping to see him too) 

"Sorry Daegal, appa is going to be out for a bit" he says as he hugs his fluffball. He then rushes down to grab a taxi.

In the corner of his eyes, he spots something...and takes a pause. 

-

Chenle reached the dorm and as expected the two bros were just chilling along with their manager. They hung around in the living room chatting and playing games and eventually they got hungry.

"Ah there's a pretty good bbq pork place nearby, want to go?" Renjun had suggested when Chenle first arrived and they were all excited. 

However, at this point, Jeno and Chenle were in the midst of a batteground game that never seemed to end.

"ya! I'm starving. If you guys aren't done I'm just gonna go first!" Renjun yelled

"ok!" they just yell back, barely registering Renjun. 

Renjun rolls his eyes and asks the manager to come with and then they left.

Eventually, after the game, 15 minutes later, Jeno and Chenle arrived and sat next to them. 

It was almost a hilarious sight, Chenle mused, on how they're sitting next to each other like strangers. 

And to Renjun's credit he also didn't really wait for the other two to finish to leave for home first. 

Eventually, all four were back in the dorms playing again

"Are you going to go home today?" the manager asked at some point, surprised at how long the boy was staying as he usually preferred his own home. 

"uh...yes? Not sure...maybe i'll stay. Why? You don't want me to be here????" he snaps back

"Nono...of course you're free to stay. Do you want me to help you with getting the bed ready?" the manager replies quickly, surprised by how he actually started to feel guilty despite not really being in the wrong.

"Really???? thank you!!!" Chenle shines his megabeam smile that gets everyone to yield to him. 

And so the kind manager went into Jisung and Renjun's room to put the sheets on the double decker bed above Jisung (usually Chenle gets his own room during comebacks and the manager even so graciously stays on the bunk bed during those time, but this was only for a night and Chenle can handle the bunk bed for the night.)

Chenle is playing and checking his clock, in his head its screaming 'where the hell is this stupid Park Jisung!' as he contemplates whether he should just leave.

Just around that time, the door creaks open and like a little mouse, Jisung's head peeks through first slowly, and then the rest of his body. He isn't slouching but his shoulder looks heavy. 

Jisung took off his shoes and he spots a familiar pair.

"is it--?" he mumbles

and then he walks in and sees Chenle slouching on the couch. 

Jisung doesn't know what to feel, but if he were to be honest, besides the initial shock, he can feel that little bit of joy bubbling through.

He didn't think he would see Chenle today. He had already resigned that he wouldn't. 

"Ya, you're finally back" Chenle calls out as he stares up from his phone. 

"Yea..." Jisung can't hold back a small smile.

  
"But...why are you here?" he says, in that same tone he had when asking why Chenle called on his birthday. 

"Just...bored." Chenle shrugs.

"Ah..ok" and Jisung slightly deflates again. 

and then he walks into his room and sees the new sheets on top of his bed. Is Chenle staying over???

Jisung is again filled with mixed emotions. 

Could he really be ok with them, being just friends. Acting as though all those months and all those moments never happened? 

Honestly, Jisung doesn't know if he could. 

Then, he spots a little box on his bed. 

"What's this?" he asks Renjun. "Is this from you?"

"Huh? oh i didn't even notice it. No it's not from me...

It's probably from Chenle"

and Jisung stares. it's a small heart shape box of Chocolate. The packaging and the brand seemed like something that was from a convenient store. 

But why, does it still make Jisung heart pound so hard. 

He walks out and waves it at Chenle's face. 

"Did you get this?" the taller asks.

"Yea....just saw it at the corner store before I hopped on the taxi and thought you might like it....

cause you know, you like snacks and all"

Jisung is smiling. 

"Ah. thank you.

.....Did all the hyungs also get one?" he inquires quietly. 

Chenle pauses and avoids eye contact

"No...i only got it for you. "

"Dont think they like these kinda stuff" he then quickly adds. 

and Jisung is now beaming.

He started to realize something....not exactly an epiphany...but perhaps something he never put enough weight on. 

The boy in front of him, was never going to say the words he wanted to hear....

and maybe the boy wouldn't ever let him know how he really felt. 

But. It was in these little actions, 

that surely,

even just a little bit

that the boy loved him. 

and perhaps, that is enough. 

maybe one day it would end, or maybe one day they'd end up enduring it all...

but. perhaps there was no point in thinking too far.

Right now, Jisung just wanted to cherish them as they come. 

"Thank you" he said again and smiled.

and Chenle stares back, this time with the crescent eyes and cat whiskers

"Of course."

-

It's 3am and Jisung checks to the left. Renjun Hyung seems sound asleep.

He climbs up his bed and as expected, Chenle is still up playing with his phone, AirPod max over his ears. 

"ya!" Chenle almost shouts as he spots Jisung's body hovering before him. 

Jisung hurriedly covers his mouth.

"Shhhh....Renjun is still asleep" 

and Chenle quiets down immediately. 

"Can I join you?" Jisung whispers

and Chenle gives a nod. 

Jisung squeezes into the bed and gets under the blanket, soaking in the comfort of Chenle's body next to him again. 

"So, how was your new yea-" Chenle begins

but before he finishes, Jisung lunges in for a kiss. 

While Chenle is surprised...he doesnt push him away. He just drops his phone and wraps his arm around Jisung. Enjoying the way Jisung felt against him, like puzzle pieces made for each other. Their favorite song. 

As Jisung pulls back, he smiles. 

"I missed you" he says softly. 

and Chenle replies, in a whisper so quiet it was barely audible

"me too." 

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it! but also, feel free to ask if you want more insight on some of the details, a lot of it was borrowed from real situations!


End file.
